A term recently caught my eye – ‘Boysober’. I found it intriguing enough to do a little bit of digging and got to know it has become a really popular movement. As I was reading more about it, I realised we all have tried to be boysober at least once in our life without even knowing!
But what exactly happened this time? Why has this relationship trend taken the internet by storm in the past few months? What exactly does it mean to go boysober? Is it really worth the hype? Should you do it? Have you done it? Let’s find answers to all these questions!
What is the Boysober trend?
‘Boysober’ – this term hogged the limelight when New York’s comedian and content creator, Hope Woodard coined it by saying that she is taking some time off from the dating scene and focusing completely on her personal growth and using this time for self reflection.
With break ups, hookups, situationships & exes, modern dating has become more about drama and less about genuine connection. Going boysober lets you take your mind off these toxic connections, unnecessary situationships, weed out the distractions and refocus your energies to pause, reflect and even reset your approach towards love.
Simply put, it is taking a break from relationships and not about entirely avoiding men. It is about prioritising self growth, self-healing and gaining some clarity in life. This is the reason why several women all across the globe are hopping on the bandwagon of the Boysober Movement.
Now the next thing that would come to our mind is..
What would going Boysober look like in practice?
It is often easier said than done when it comes to the matters of the heart. If you decide to go boysober, you might have to put certain things in practice and that too with steely determination.
- No more dating apps
Uninstall all those dating apps, give that swiping culture a rest and ignore any DMs. Be your own cheerleader and stop seeking validation from others.
- Staying away from any kind of romantic connection
Stay miles away from anything that even hints towards a fling, casual relationship or even harmless flirting.
- No obsessing over guys or relationships
Do not do anything that drains you mentally or emotionally. Stop waiting for that call or text and thinking about the what ifs. Any action or thought that interferes with your emotional well-being, let it slide.
Signs That Tell You Need To Go Boysober
Constantly Falling Into Unhealthy Relationships
You have gotten into a pattern of attracting toxic relationships. So, it is time you take a step back and figure out what you need to do to break this pattern.
Relationships Usually Cause Stress More Than Happiness
Your relationships, rather than becoming your safe space, have become your major reason for unhappiness, always surrounded by insecurity, doubts & fights.
You Seek Validation & Struggle With Boundaries
You have become insecure and have self esteem issues. Rather than finding happiness & confidence within, you are always seeking others’ validation.
You Identify Yourself Only On The Basis Of Your Relationships
When you are in a relationship, your entire life revolves around it. Going boysober will help you rediscover yourself in new ways giving you time & a clear mind to find out what truly makes you happy.
Common Myths About Boysober Movement
- It is not a hatred campaign against men – First things first, it is not an anti-men movement. Or it is not for those women who hate men. Boysober movement is a simple breather from dating or getting into a relationship. It does not in any way imply that you should break ties from all your male friends or stop meeting or interacting with boys altogether.
- It is not permanent– This is a phase where you take a temporary break from romantic relationships. It is not a permanent swearing against getting into any relationship, ever. All you do is just take a step back to come again with more clarity and a better perspective on what you really want in a relationship.
- It is a personal choice – This movement is not something that every woman has to be a part of. There are a lot of factors that come into play when you decide to go boysober, so this decision should be taken with a lot of thought and without any fear of judgment.
- You are not falling behind in dating – Get rid of all those FOMO thoughts if you decide to go boysober. Dating or getting into a relationship is not a competition. Every individual is at a different phase in life and comparison will only kill you and make things worse. Date again only when you are ready- mentally, physically, emotionally. Going boysober will not make you fall behind, rather it will help you understand how to handle your relationships better.
How to Go Boysober: Practical Steps
Set Boundaries & Be Clear
If you plan to go boysober, rather than hide, you should be upfront about it. Be honest with yourself and others about the choice that you have made. Do not shy away from telling your family and friends about your decision. Being candid about it will only help you shed away all the inhibitions and make the most of it.
Decide A Timeline
As soon as you decide to go boysober, you have to decide the timeline of the same based on your needs. Whether it is going to last for a week, few weeks or months – that should be very clear in your mind. Eventually it will help you understand what to do and how to go about it.
Spend Time With Yourself
Use this chance to spend time in your own company. Reconnect with yourself, understand your likes, dislikes and overall approach towards life. Start journaling, meditate, do self reflection exercises and connect with yourself in the deepest and most spiritual way possible.
Positive Distractions
Getting off the dating bandwagon can be difficult for some, especially when you have always been in a relationship. To beat that, you will have to do things that fulfill you mentally and emotionally. Spend more time with your friends, do things that you love, maybe explore new hobbies, start learning something new or put all your energy towards building your career. Anything that helps you feel good about yourself and bolsters your self worth, simply do it!
Should You Go Boysober?
At the end of it all, the most important question is – is going boysober right for you? Should you do it? And that requires a lot of self-reflection.
You have to take into account your past relationships, your present needs as well as your emotional well-being. A lot of consideration should go into making this decision, and it should not be on the basis of a whim or what your friends are doing.
If you feel you are stuck in a dating rut or cannot get past unhealthy relationship patterns, then doing this is the right decision. If you want to make yourself a priority and keep everything else in the backseat, then make this choice without thinking.
It is a decision that is very very personal and quite unique to everyone’s journey. Make this choice only if you really want to do it and not on the basis of what others are doing.
Make An Empowered Choice
You know everything now about what it means to go boysober and how to put it in practice. Please remember it is not about rejecting love altogether, but it is about making room for better things and creating space for a stronger foundation of healthier relationships.
So, are you ready to go boysober? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section!